Grounded vs Lonely

Is lonely the opposite of grounded? What makes a person lonely? Do they do it to themselves? Is it avoidable? Should you strive to feel grounded? Are they opposites or totally different matters? Without people in your life you feel lonely, but letting people in your life can cause more loneliness and sorrow than being solitary. If you let people in your life and into your heart, you run the risk of losing a part of yourself if they leave or move on. I guess that isn't true for everyone - some people can do the acquaintance thing, which I assume allows you to have more people in your life (or at least listed in your phone) without any risk involved. I am not the acquaintance type, I am the go big or go home type. I learned that from a good friend when I was about 13 years old. (She taught me that important lesson and also to never give guys that hit on you your real name, create a fake name). Sorry, I am rambling. I tend to give it my all once I figure out if you are someone I want in my life, that involves giving a piece of my heart to them. Once that is done, it can't be undone. There is no taking it back, even if the person didn't want it in the first place or wants to return it. I don't think that you run out of heart to give, but you do run out of willingness to give so easily. You learn, with time, that you have to save some of yourself for you. You also learn that it is okay to allow people to help you and to need people. (I am still struggling with that one.) I feel lonely sometimes because I choose to isolate myself if the goings get too rough or I am hurting. I am not sure how this grounded thing works, what it means, and if it is even something I want. I think that if it means I have to learn to love differently, in some way that allows a shield and an escape route, I am not interested in ever being grounded. I will take the lonely days when they come and continue to live with the risk of being hurt and the knowledge that there are people out there that have a piece of my heart and they don't care or even remember they have it. You take the good from everything that happens in your life, you learn from all the bad that happens, and you keep the memories, friends and experiences that have made you into the person you are today. It is never too late to say you are sorry, to turn around, or say I love you. It is never okay to take people and their hearts for granted. Love life, love yourself, and allow others to love you, the real you. Put it out there, take some risks, "dance like no one is watching".

Magic

Sorry folks, I haven't been around much these days. I took a couple of trips last month, hoping it would put the spring back into my step. Not so much. I guess you always hope to return to work and have problems be magically resolved while you were away, but that is just a fantasy. In fact, I think things actually got worse while I was away. I lost one of the best employees I have ever worked with and she is also a dear friend. She is moving onto bigger and better, so I am happy for her. That doesn't mean it doesn't make me sad to not see her car every morning when I pull up to work or know that I can't call her to go eat Mexican at a moments notice. She and another friend of ours were talking about how wonderful a machine that could instantly take you wherever you wanted to go would be. Again, magic. At work I often wish for a magic wand and a crystal ball because that is what clients expect me to have on hand when their pet is sick, but now I am also wishing for magic in my personal life so I could stay in better touch with those who move away. Just pop in to see them to share a funny story or get a hug on a bad day, then return home. Magic or no magic, I hope she knows how much she will be missed and that we'll all keep waiting for that machine that can warp her back to us for a fun night out or a good laugh.

Chameleons

I love chameleons, if they are of the cute reptile variety. However, the chameleons of the bipedal variety bother me more than any other type of person. Everyone has met one of these creatures - the friend you thought you knew until you had to interact with them around other people or different groups of people. Once around other people, those colors start to change so the person fits into their new environment and all of a sudden you don't recognize your friend at all. Which brings up the question of whether that person really is your friend? Do you even know them? Are they really who you thought they were or were they changing their colors around you to suit what you were looking for in a friend? I gotta say, I will stick to my reptiles any day - at least you know what you are getting into when you have a reptilian friend. (and they have to coolest eyes of any creature I see) As for the warm-blooded chameleons, as soon as I see their true colors it is time for me to accept the fact that I have been disappointed by yet another of my fellow species and move on.

Trust your Veterinarian

It is amazing how much people will act as if they trust you as their veterinarian, but will then turn around and take the advice of their neighbor, groomer, breeder, random clerk at the store, Internet... It gets to be a frustrating battle. You have to lovingly and caringly give extensive advice because it is the best thing for your patient. You do this and you know that half the time an owner will chose to do what they want to do, regardless of your medical advice. People will cause harm to their animal or cause them not to get better because they don't follow through with medical advice. Some even have the nerve to complaint that things are getting better even after they have disregarded what you have recommended. Do people forget that vets went to school for this, a lot of school, and take continuing education constantly to make sure we are on top of the latest and greatest medical advances? Do people forget that we took an oath to do no harm, that we don't get paid well at all for what we do, but we do what we do because we love what we do. I wish that people would understand that not all advice is good advice, that just because people have done it in the past and gotten good results doesn't make it right. People, please trust your veterinarian. We are human and aren't perfect, but we do everything in our power to keep your pets healthy and happy.

Bhutan and Happiness

Charlie and I have discovered a new, wonderful channel called "Current TV" and it is like having the Nickelodeon, Columbia's independent movie theater, at your home. Current TV is an independent media company led by Al Gore and Joel Hyatt and it is mesmerizing. We watched one show last week about Bhutan, which is as close to Utopia as you could find before 1960. Until 1960 this country didn't have TV, roads, or even money and conserving the uniqueness of the people was the main goal. This is a country that measures their worth (as a nation) by the net happiness of the people. They go by the Gross National Happiness and not the Gross National Product. This concept may be under attack however, as the nation changes from a monarchy to a democracy (at the advice of their beloved king - talk about a selfless man). The picture of the country that they showed was wonderful - amazing landscapes and a simple, peaceful people. This is all changing now though and many say this change is the fault of TV, education, democracy, and westernization. To think that people are becoming less happy (and that the country is in trouble) because things are evolving makes me want to ask how you judge someones life happiness if they don't know what their other life options are? I saw that the people looked very happy before all the changes as of late, but they also were totally sheltered and actually tried to keep outsiders from even coming to visit/travel. Now people have options, they know that they don't have to stay in the fields and do manual labor, they know that drugs that used to only be fed to the pigs will make them feel good when smoked, they know that they can become educated and make decisions for themselves, and they know that there are other types of clothing other than the traditional dress. People are changing their ways now and picking from all their options, which is leading some of them away from the traditional teachings of the years before the 1960's. Does developing diversity in a nation make them less happy as a nation? If so, does that mean that people are only happy if everyone else is behaving exactly like they are? And, is the happiness of the nation based on individual happiness or conformity? Watching this show made me think of the quote "See the happy moron, he doesn't give a damn. I wish I was a moron - My God, perhaps I am." The show brings up the point that it may be happier to be blissfully unaware, but I am not sure who is qualified to decide if that is true or not. I can't imagine that I would want to be unaware of my options. I think would rather have my personal freedom to live the way I want to live, even if that means there is a small amount of unhappiness that comes with it. However, those are my thought as an American who has never known the simplicity of blissful unawareness. I guess that is what makes this a quite circular discussion, once a person has the education to make a statement or offer an opinion about which way is better (and whether the Gross National Happiness will decrease now that the nation is aware of the ways of the rest of the world) it is too late. I guess it is a question that is impossible to scientifically answer. I will continue to enjoy the freedom of choice that I have, but I am a bit sad to see this unique way of life in Bhutan coming to an end.

My Sisters Are Coming

This week has been filled with good news. My sister Melissa is arriving in town for the weekend and we are all taking a road trip. Both Charlie and I wish she could stay longer, but are just glad we get to see her at all. With her living on the west coast it gets hard to get together. We would love for her to move here so we hope she enjoys the trip and never leaves! (I even stocked up on soy milk!)
My sister Karla, who is in Romania with the Peace Corp just told me she is coming home this summer for a week. We are actually going to be able to celebrate her birthday with her and do all sorts of fun stuff. I have her booked for all the pampering I can think of since she gets none of that in Romania. I am so happy that we'll get to see her, but saying good-bye a second time is going to be miserable. Watching her leave before about broke my heart.

Anyway, I guess I shouldn't borrow trouble. No reason to think about the negative. I will just keep on smiling, knowing I get to see two of my favorite people.

Why Do We Hold On

Why do we hold onto things long past when we should let go? Why do we hold onto things in the false hope that they are the way they used to be or that they will once again be that way? Why do we hold onto these negative parts of our lives, allowing them to pull us under? Once we are pulled so far down, it makes it harder to remember the sun, the happiness, the healthy parts of life. It is important to do a reality gut check every once in a while, look around at your life and decide what is really helping you on your path through life and what is blocking the sun. Cut the ties with the negative, let go of the unhealthy. Hold onto the wonderful memories that make you cling so desperately to these people or things, but understand that life goes on and we can't go back in time, we can't make what once was exist again just because we want it to. We can't change people and when life has changed people's character into someone you don't recognize, it hurts less in the long run to let go of the friendship and appreciate those around you that are still good friends. Life is too short to have anyone or anything in your life that isn't there to lend a hand when time are bad and share a laugh when times are good. As the old saying goes, sometimes the ones you expect to pick you up are the ones to kick you while you are down.

Veterinary Medicine

Why do people actually open their mouths and say, "oh you are a veterinarian, so you aren't a real doctor"? Are they not aware that this comment ranks up there with "I always wanted to be a vet, but I couldn't kill animal so I went into something else" - as if that is what we do all day, kill animals. (Actually our job is to keep them as happy and healthy as possible, in case there was some confusion) Does this comment mean I am a fake doctor? Did I get my diploma off the internet or by responding to some late night TV infomerical? Do people really not know that veterinarians go to college, then to 4 years of veterinary school and spend countless hours in a classroom and teaching hospital, then have to pass national and state boards? If they don't know this and assume that I am an insomniac who discovered the career path of veterinary medicine while surfing the web or watching those infomercials, why on earth are they trusting me with the life of their animals?! Why do I even still wonder these things?

Good Employees

Is there just a shortage of good employees/hard workers out there? I mean, when did it become okay to show up for a job interview in jeans or a t-shirt or a baseball hat? When did "that isn't my job" become an acceptable thing to say to your boss? I have witnessed all of these thing lately. I guess I was just lucky to have parents that taught me common sense and instilled a good work ethic into me. Seems these days common sense is an endangered trait, if not an extinct one. So sad, so frustrating, so ridiculous that we accept this behaviour and the standards just keep on dropping.

The Columbia Flu

Sorry I have been absent a while, but I am just now trying to get back to the land of the living. I am one of the many affected by the flu that is going around Columbia at this time. My husband was nice enough to bring it home from campus and share it with me! That was the worst flu I have ever had. I actually had to miss work for several days and I am still dragging. I usually call all of my clients the day after they have an appointment to check on them, but since my voice doesn't work so well I am trying not to speak at all. As a result, I feel very out of the loop and wish there was a better way for me to find out how all my patients were doing. I am continuing to rest, drink lots of fluids, and try to get better. I can't wait to be back to normal. For everyone out there suffering right now, it does get better. This flu makes you feel like you want to die, but it doesn't kill you. I am living proof!

Greater Columbia Veterinary Association

Well tonight is the first meeting of the year for the GCVA (Greater Columbia Veterinary Association) and I am looking forward to a new year. Our officers meeting went well and I think that we have some great new ideas for 2008-2009. I think that veterinarian should all work together and function much like a family. Therefore, one of my goals as vice-president this year and president next year is to create stronger bonds between the members of our association. We are going to branch out from only having monthly meetings with a strictly medical topic. I want to try to have fun outings, community service projects, meetings with some non-medical topics, and any other ideas I might come up with that would encourage people to get to know each other as people and not just as doctors. I am a bit nervous that people will be a bit resistant to change (as they usually are), but I am hoping for the best. I love my current veterinary friends in the community and look forward to making new friends through my involvement in the club.

Monday Blues

I really just wanted to crawl back into bed this morning. Most of the people I know have today off for the MLK holiday, but I am not that lucky. Now I am sitting here, drinking some green tea and trying to warm up for the day. I am not sure what makes some Mondays so hard to get out of bed and get going, but today is one of those days. Wish me luck!

Exotic Animal Medicine

I love seeing exotics - it makes my day to get that variety. Yesterday I had the pleasure of meeting two new guinea pigs. One actually head-butts you just like my cat Mike does and it cracked me up. I really thinks those two cute, noisy pigs were the highlight of my day.

Good Advice

Having a slow day at work today has allowed me to catch up on my reading - both my professional journals and some more fun reading. I am currently reading a novel about Vincent Van Gough and loving it, but I am not one of those people who can read a novel with background noise. Due to the fact I don't work in a clinic alone, I often need lighter reading. I love to work-out and try to eat as healthy as possible (while allowing for as much Mexican food as I can eat) so I have been reading the various fitness and health magazines. My husband and I are always working on some project with the house or yard so I have been reading home and garden magazines as well. I have learned a great deal of interesting facts today, but there are two articles that had points that really hit home.

The first was "if someone thinks of you as a friend, you become one". This seems like such a simple statement, but it was looking at friendship in a way I never had. I have a wonderful new friend who is more similar to me than most people/friends in my life, which has given me a great support system and helped me to grow and challenge myself as a person. Honestly though, I think that if she had not first thought of me as a friend, this amazing person may not have become a part of my life. I thought that it was harder to make new friends as an adult and that it was harder to cultivate a new relationship when life seemed so busy already, but she has shown me that isn't the case. I am glad that she was outgoing enough to think of me as a friend or I might have missed this opportunity.

The second was about listening and why it is important to be heard. It stated that "we need someone to witness our lives, because being witnessed diminishes the solitude we all live with". Again, I thought this was a powerful statement and it reminded me that no matter how busy my life gets, I need to always be able to stop and listen. Some days at work and at home there are so many things going on, that I may hear the words people are saying, but I don't listen to their hearts and what the words actually mean. This was just one of those gut check sentences that reminded me that I should never be too busy to really listen, because it is one of the best gifts you can provide to those people in your life.

Hard Holiday Season

Holidays are always stressful I think, but this holiday season has been a rough one for me at home and at work. My husband had surgery, which is always scary. He is recovering well, but you hate to see the ones you love in pain, ever. At work things have been even more difficult. I have just had a run of patients that I could not help. That means that I have to break the bad news to a family during an already emotional time, a time that is supposed to be reserved only for happiness and togetherness. This is so hard for me, I feel like I am letting down my patients and my families/clients, even though I didn't cause the cancer, I didn't cause the meningitis, etc. I want to have the power to take it away, I want to have the power to lessen the blow, I want to have the power to make it all right. If wishes were horses...